I'm not dead! Breathing quite well actually. Just not motivated to blog lately. I'm a great starter but a poor finisher....trying to change because it is a deficiency of mine. I always feel it necessary to post something of value but who is the "Value Police" that dictates adequate postings? We are "doing" good. Not quite sure what all that means but it is a standard we have placed on our society as to how we think our lives are going. We continue to learn how to love God. Sometimes that stings a little but we are discovering who we are in His eyes and I believe that we have had a wrong standard for some time. We believe God working us toward a direction of something...just not sure where. We are becoming willing for His use and more willing to let go. Let me explain a little of where I am. This will be new to Tami also since we have not talked today much.....(no problems just going different directions this morning).
I will try to summarize. Had a 3 hour trip yesterday in an ambulance...long ride for me and I wasn't the one sick. It was cancer that started two years ago...been through chemo, radiation and trial (experimental "I was just a guinea pig") medications which has resulted in the cancer spreading to...well...everywhere. Bones are now breaking spontaneously due to cancer and there is a hole in the stomach where contents now leak from. There is no true relief from the pain and a simple pinch of hair between the fingers results in a bald spot occurring. Family follows behind and they wave at each other through the back window of the ambulance. They smile, laugh and say how proud they are of each other. "Everyone is in such a hurry" is the answer to "Has your perspective on life changed?" that I asked. "I'm done...there is nothing else for them to do...fix me up enough to go fishing." My mind is spinning for encouraging conversation of which I find difficult to muster appropriate words. What if I am the last contact of Jesus for them? What if....what if....what if is all I'm thinking. Death is certain. Sooner for some but certain for all. It will come quick or slow, peaceful or tragic but always in God's time. So...how was I Jesus to them?...you will need to ask Jesus...but for today I look for the next opportunity...in whatever form...Lord help me not to fail you.
